“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

 

I’m beginning to feel the distance of the relationships I left behind.

The stretch of miles strains my heartstrings, leaving behind a sore soul-ache. I grasp onto the memories of faces I treasure so dearly with a white-knuckle grip as they gently fade. (A symptom of this emotion is that I become terribly sentimental. Can’t you tell?)

This week, that hollowness had been particularly evident. My mood matched the dull grayness of the days as a reminder laid in wait around every corner that I was where my loved ones weren’t.

Due to this, I allowed that longing to root itself in me. I wanted it to. I snatched it, cocooned myself in it, festered in it. I was no longer Lauren, who felt sad. I was Sad. And I was horribly content in my misery.

Then, something happened. I claim no other explanation other than that God saw my emotional, superficial, circumstantial suffering and extended grace upon grace: I began receiving calls, texts, even social media messages from people I love. They reached out to me, all unknowing of my transformation into an Eeyore, and fed my starved soul with their encouragement, eager questions, and just the general “thinking-of-yous”.

It didn’t stop there though. As I reflected on my friendships afar, I realized that seeds have also been planted here. I’ve met so many new people, at work, church, and in between. An array of relationships, alive with potential, surround me in my day-to-day, yet still I cried out, “I want what I had, here, now, God! Gimme, gimme, gimme!”

The truth is this: I am not alone. I was never alone. Yet, in the lack of tangible nearness, I deceived myself into believing that I was. I refused to see the truth in that I have been provided with an overwhelming wealth of friendships and familyships, both those that are flowering and those that are waiting for some diligent nurturing by yours truly.

I am now using that ache as a reminder to be thankful for what is and what is to come, to spur me on to care for those that have cared so well for me, to recall the fact that this journey will require much of me and that I shall not return the same.

 

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